Charlie's Angels
by jinkiez
Summary: Pip buys a kiss from Butters.


Butters sat on the curb steps behind the school bored, resting his head in his hands. He was starting to think that maybe pimpin' wasn't so easy after all. Most of the girls stopped selling kisses for money after the boys in school began to realize they were hos, and now he just didn't have any customers or income left. He'd already spent most of it on a gold chain, which looked kind of silly anyway now that he thought about it.

With a sigh, he watched as the sun sank behind the clouds again, making sitting in the shade seem even gloomier. Butters had been sitting there nearly all recess long, and not a single person had approached. Not that he had any girls left anyway. It was another miserable turn of luck on his part, just like all his other endeavours. It always either ended up with a failure or being _grounded_.

He saw a shadow approaching from around the corner, and just when he thought it was one of his hos coming back, it turned out to be Pip. On the bright side, at least it wasn't some punk coming to give him a wedgie.

"Oh hello Butters! What are you doing behind over here in the corner? Dougie and I looked all recess for you, but you were nowhere to be found. Tis a quite nice day out, isn't it?" the Brit said with unfounded cheer.

"Hey Pip" Butters replied sadly. "Sorry I-I couldn't play today, I'm on, uh, pimp duty."

"Pimp duty? Why, what's that?" Pip wondered aloud. "I don't suppose you're the one selling kisses from girls, are you? Oh dear, because that would be bad."

Butters' face fell at the mention of it. "W-well..yeah, but I was only doin' it cause I thought I'd make money! Turns out all of them bitches left me, and n-now I'm broke again."

Pip watched as Butters hid his face in his arms. He sat down next to him on the wet concrete. "Well cheer up, ol' chap. I might've boughten a kiss from a girl. I've only kissed one before, but she was kind of a whore, but oh, then again I suppose those girls are too. I'm not sure why they would want -"

Butters tuned out of the conversation, or whatever Pip was talking about at that point. He was just too worried about his future to pay attention. Despite being just nine years old, he was already becoming a lousy, no good criminal. He had to think of a better way to support himself and his family. Even if he didn't really _have _a family, yet. But he could never be sure of that, he might have kids any day now. What if the stork just dropped them off on his doorstep? What would he do with out any money to raise them, and what if he had to pay child support? He wondered what his non-existent wife and his parents would think. It was just all too much to handle. Maybe now was the time to think about dropping out of Elementary school and getting a job - oh boy, he was getting just as carried away in his thoughts as Pip did whenever he started talking.

What _was_ Pip talking about again? "Poppies - yes, they're lovely, don't you think?" the British boy blabbed on. Pip had apparently not noticed Butters zoning out of the conversation mid-way through. "You can take their seeds and use them for all sorts of things! We don't eat hamburgers in Britain, not all that often, but it was quite delightful to see poppy seeds on the buns here. I had never seen such a thing before!" he said excitedly.

Butters nodded, not sure how the conversation had taken such a turn, then again he wasn't listening to most of it. Speaking of hamburgers, he wondered if maybe he should start by getting a job at McDonalds. That was probably the only place he'd be able to get a job without his high school diploma. His face sunk as he wondered what it would be like coming home late nights smelling of french fry grease, earning a minimum wage paycheck.

Pip eventually noticed the worried expression on Butters face. "Don't worry Butters - I'm sure things will work out just fine." he assured.

"But it's not fine! I'm broke, _and_ I'm a deadbeat father! I can't even care for my own family!" he cried. Pip looked surprised as he fidgeted with his cap. "Oh, my! I wasn't aware you had children. Quite frankly, I didn't realize that was possible at such a young age."

Butters then realized that Pip was right. He snapped out of his imaginary financial crisis, having been brought back to the reality of the situation. "O-oh..you're right. I forgot that I don't actually h-have a family to support..sometimes I get carried away.. you know, thinkin' about the future and stuff."

Pip just smiled. "Well don't worry! I'll buy one of your kisses if it will help, just in case that does happen."

Butters fidgeted with his hands. "Yeah, but, I-I don't have any girls left to sell kisses anymore. I'm sorry, Pip."

Pip shrugged. "Well, then how about I'll pay five dollars for you to kiss me?"

Butters looked taken aback. "W-what? But..my parents said that's gay, I aint supposed to kiss other boys, or I'll go straight to heck."

"Oh, but in Britain it's quite normal! Besides, it's not gay if we pretend we're Charlies Angels!" Pip explained.

Butters looked hesistant for a moment, but then finally agreed. "Okay, well, I guess for five dollars."

Pip clapped his hands excitedly. "Goodie! But I want to be Jaclyn Smith this time!"

Butters frowned slightly. "Alright, fine..you can be Jaclyn Smith.." he mumbled.

Pip grinned, and they sat there blinking for a few moments before Butters spoke up again. "Okay, ready?"

"Yes!" Pip nodded, then closed his eyes and stuck his lips out. Butters leaned in, closing his eyes too. Then they shared a quick smooch. When they pulled back, Pip pretended he had a fake camera. "We should take pictures, and send them to Bosley!"

"What?" Butters raised an eyebrow. Sometimes, Pip and his ideas could be pretty weird.

"We're Charlies Angels, remember?" he reminded.

Butters shrugged, then shook his head. "But I don't think Bosley would approve of us bein' lesbos."


End file.
